I'm laughing at you and because of you,not with you....

Everyone knows an "explosive" person but not everyone has had to deal with one.If you are among the group who has had this displeasure,I learned a few tips from an acquaintance who after years of having to deal with dysfunctional people of every shape and size has perfected the art of responding.

1. Do not respond with the same craziness..Respond instead with your normal calm self to defuse people who are behaving in a hostile manner toward you.Stop short of laughing at them.Unless you're on the phone and they can't see you.



2. Sure,at first take their seeming irrationality seriously and try to validate their feelings,even if you can't stand them or what they are.Listen to what they have to say and hear them out; ignoring them or minimizing their feelings may cause them to lash out at people you love,your belongings and even if you don't care...themselves. (okay,maybe you can let that last one go).



3. Never argue with someone when they are drugged out or liquored up.This will be particularly tricky for those of you who are only attacked when someone seems to be "under the influence".It's truly a guessing game for some on the receiving end of another's lipstick lunacy.If that's the case,seek out an al-anon meeting.They dont just help with the addict but also their co-dependent family members and friends.However if you work with this person or you have to deal with them consider a lawsuit..yes it takes time and money but you are worth it!



4. Don’t try to solve an emotional issue with a logical argument.Trying to diffuse a person who is on the "attack' with overwhelming evidence of their obvious errors in thinking,mistakes in logic, or facts to the contrary, or reasons for why they shouldn’t feel the way they do, is like shaving your head to pluck out a gray hair.Basically you know you are sane,and they are not.



5. Think about terminating the relationship.Truth is, some relationships we get involved in are so "toxic" that it is self-abusive to continue in them. Moldy, toxic houses are fixer-upers,people are not.You can clean out a toxic home whereas a toxic person will try and smother you.Now,if you have to deal with this person try and make sure most of your "dealing" is over the phone.Most of the time they are so inept at human interaction that they will most likely hang-up on you anyway,(Also known as a "loss" of complete control).People who hang up the phone while you're talking with them are below you and very,very childish.If you can get away with it,suggest counseling and have a number ready that they can call and no I don't have an "idiot hotline".



6. Experience tells me that the answer you get will be completely nuts but try asking them directly why they often appear angry toward you.A straight line is the shortest distance between two points.However,when dealing with the "crazies" you most likely will get generalizations like "Well,just because you are this or that",or a different take on that is "Well, just because you don't do this or that". A good one I heard recently was something to the tune of someone being irrational because in their own words "Well you're just a loser and a piece of _____ and I am better than you". When you hear that from someone,it is then okay to laugh.Laugh loud and hard and right in their ear.They are going to hang up the phone anyway!